The most important thing that your child needs from you is open communication and support:
Create a safe atmosphere for your young person to be open with you
Stay calm; do not over–react to what they share with you
You want your child to be able to talk you about everything. A response from you of anger, shock, fear, or crying when they open up to you is going to cause them to shut down and pull away.
Continue to speak at normal volume or pace. Don’t raise your voice or start talking fast.
Keep your body language calm as well.
Do not be judgmental
Instead of saying:
"I told you this would happen if you hung out with that guy."
"You wouldn’t be feeling this way if you had made better choices."
Say this:
"I can see that you are in a tough situation. How can I support you?"
"I can see that you are in a lot of pain. Tell me more about what is going on."
Do not minimize what they are going through
Their perception is their reality. It is a crisis for them even if it does not seem like a crisis to you.
Instead of saying:
"You’re just being dramatic."
"You just need to get over it."
"I went through the same thing when I was your age and I turned out fine."
"You’re just being a teenager. In a couple of years, you’ll realize this is no big deal."
Say this:
"I know how bad you wanted to make the team. It must hurt really bad that you got cut."
"This is a difficult situation. I understand that you must feel really confused and overwhelmed."
Do not lecture or argue; this is not the time for that
A young person identifies a lecture as anytime you use more than a couple of sentences to tell them what to do. They will either tune you out or respond with defiance, causing an argument
Instead of saying:
"How many times have I told you that you need to choose your friends wisely? You need to look for friends who share the same values as you. People who making something of their lives. You shouldn’t call someone your friend if they don’t respect you."
Say this:
"I know how important friends are at your age. It hurts when a friend treats you like that."
Support your child through the process
Reinforce continually that you love them and are available to them
Follow through on finding help for your child
Check in with them regularly to see how they are doing
It is important to find out what is going on with your child in order to best know how to help them:
Is this because of some recent circumstances that have happened to them?
A bad grade, a break–up, didn’t make the team, etc..
This type of "depression" should only last a couple of weeks and the child needs to be supported through this time
Have they suffered through some on–going or very traumatic circumstances?
Abuse, divorce, family fighting, bullying
These situations will not just go away in a couple of weeks; they need to be dealt with through counseling
Are they struggling with using alcohol or other drugs?
The drug use could be causing the depression or the child is using drugs to cope with the depression; either way, the substance abuse needs to be dealt with before the depression will go away
Are they taking a prescription drug that has depression as a side effect?
This could include birth control for young ladies
Talk to the doctor who prescribed the medicine
Have they been feeling down for several weeks with no obvious circumstances?
This may be a clinical depression caused by a chemical imbalance
Take your child to a pediatrician for diagnosis and to discuss treatment
Talk to your child about suicide
Talking about suicide does not cause young people to attempt it; talking about suicide prevents it from happening.
Ask them if they have been thinking about it.
They will be relieved that you brought it up.
See Stages of Suicidal Behavior to find out more information about assessing your child’s risk of attempting suicide.
Communicate to your child that there are many solutions to their issues; they don’t have to turn to suicide.
Say, "I’d like to try to help you come up with some ways of getting through this (without hurting yourself)."
Solutions and treatment
There is not going to be one simple solution to your child’s situation.
It is going to be a combination of solutions; it will require you walking through the process with them. Some of the solutions could include:
