My Friend is Hurting

Here are three steps to follow when you know a friend is hurting:

Step 1 – Show You Care

When a person is hurting, they need to know that their friends care about them
Here are some ways to show that you care:
- Spend time with them
- Let them know that you are available if they ever need to talk
- Tell them in your own words that you care about them
- Be an encourager; build your friend up by using positive and encouraging statements
- Ask them how they are doing and don’t settle for a lame answer like ’fine’ – be persistent
- Let them know that you are going to stick with them no matter what
- Show them that you care enough to pay attention by telling them the warning signs that you see and the things you are concerned about
- Encourage them to find help for whatever they are going through

Step 2 – Ask About Suicide

The only way to know if someone is considering suicide is to ask
If they are NOT thinking about suicide:
- You are NOT going to put the idea in their head by asking
- They are NOT going to freak out on you for asking, they’re just going to say, "No"
If they ARE thinking about suicide:
- They are going to be relieved that you brought it up and made it "okay" to talk about – they are probably desperate to talk to somebody
- You could save their life simply because you asked
- Please see Stages of Suicidal Behavior to understand more about what questions to ask and how to respond

Step 3 – Get Adult Help

There are some things as a middle or high school student that you are equipped to do. Such as, being a good friend, being a good listener, etc.
There are other things that you are not equipped to do. Helping your friend through a time of depression is one of those things. Your friend needs trusted adults to help guide them through this time.
Try to get your friend to go talk to an adult with you. If they are willing, have them choose an adult that you both know.
If they won’t, go talk to an adult for them. Never promise that you are going to keep it a secret.
It needs to be an adult that you trust and one who is able to help. Think about the following categories as you decide which adult you are going to talk to:
- Your parents
- Other family members
- Your friend’s parents
- School faculty – teachers, coaches, administration, etc.
- Community – clubs, rec centers, church/worship centers, etc.
- National Teen Crisis Hotlines

Once you have done these three steps, it is important to just continue to support your friend. This season that they are going through may be short and last only a couple of week or may it be long and last several months. Either way, stay involved in their lives, keep checking on how they are doing, and talk to an adult whenever you are concerned.